With a Tongue Steadfastly Positioned in the Cheek

Erik Weinberg
The Paw Print

Why am I not the scholar of the week? By: Erik “The Destroyer” Weinberg

He may not have “scholarships,” or “work ethic,” or a “2.5 GPA,” but he technically fits the definition of scholar, and makes up for his shortcomings by being a solid dude. According to Dictionary.com’s second definition, a scholar is merely a student, or a pupil.
It says nothing about being productive or good. Since there seem to be no set requirements for Scholar of the Week, other than being a scholar, of course, he is my scholar of the week. The great story of Erik “The Destroyer” Weinberg began long before attending Adams State University, but it entered its long, drawn out, rising action here. The climax is yet to come, or so he hopes. Originally from Bailey, Colo., he’s no stranger to small towns.
In his time here, he decided that he disliked most of everything, but was buffaloed into sticking through a college career after deciding theatre wasn’t his “thing”, he moved on to Creative Writing and has been there ever since.
He developed and nurtured an intense hatred for poetry and still it escapes him. When asked, he said, “Poetry is dumb, I just don’t understand it, ‘specially haikus.” When questioned further, he said, “Really the reason I left Theatre is I wanted more prospects with my degree. That’s why I chose Creative Writing.
It just has so many more graduate-level opportunities. I plan on publishing a best-seller right out of school and retiring early, because that’s extremely realistic.” His parents are marginally proud of him.
He originally came to Adams State in the fall of ’08 and is currently in his fifth year here. He plans on finally graduating after fall semester of ’13, provided the Earth survives that Mayan calendar thing. He declined to comment on life after graduation, pleading the First Amendment. “Hey man, I know my rights. Give me freedom of assembly, or give me death.”
In his downtime he likes to play inordinate amounts of video games, act unbelievably sarcastic, procrastinate, and generally be a drag on society.  He enjoys hanging around the San Luis Valley Brewing Company and Milagros Coffee Shop, enjoying the fine brews both has to offer. “Sometimes I even shamelessly plug places my friends work.”
When asked about his nickname, he dodged the question and trailed off. “I should ask you the same thing! I’ll show you a nickname origin. Why I oughta…”
His favorite color is green, he’s not opposed to long walks on the beach, and his greatest fears are responsibility and oversized insects. If he was stranded on a desert island and he could only take three things, he would take the internet, water, and a knife or something.
So, maybe there’s a good reason people like him aren’t scholars of the week. We should probably leave it to the interesting people of the world to be featured in news articles.

Thoughts? Concerns? Inconsistencies? Email me at weinbergem@grizzlies.adams.edu


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