How to Deal with Guilt, Shame, and Embarrassment

Ana Serpas
The Paw Print

Throughout our lifetime many of us experience being embarrassed as kids, teenagers and even adults from friends, people, mistakes, and other factors. Most often we may know how frightening it is to be embarrassed in front of the class, in public, around our family, friends and even in front of our significant other.
Along with embarrassment, people encounter the feeling of shame because human dignity plays a big role in our well being. Sometimes our dignity is taken away for a moment after embarrassment and shame. This tends to lead the human mind to carry the idea that others have this horrific perception on how they view that person from that moment of embarrassment.
A third feeling that bothers humans is guiltiness because forgiving and blaming one’s self seems to be one of the easiest way. Although feeling embarrassment, shame and guilt is difficult to deal with for a variety of people. There are ways for individuals to change or improve the way they react, respond and deal with these three feelings.
Professor Jeff Elison teaches a few tricks to have a better happier healthy life by educating people in the ways to deal with our negative emotions and feelings that are caused by embarrassment, shame and guilt. Elison says that humiliation leads to irritation, anger and isolation from the world to prevent that from happening again which is unhealthy. He calls this withdrawal and avoidance.
Elison also describes feelings after an incident of embarrassment and guilt that lead to attacking one’s self, and attacking others because frustration is built up inside. The four triggers of withdrawal, avoidance, self attack and attacking others can be improved by exercising communication, submission and willingness to conform to people notes Elison. Another option to take away the feelings of guilt is through a sincere apology or simply by returning a favor.
In his recent lecture Professor Elison describes how shame affects individuals mentally, physically and emotionally. Elison says that shame is a “physical discomfort and pain” that is carried around in people because they think shame is the way to feel about themselves.
Shame is a characteristic that is adaptive but does not make you a terrible person. One way to improve the feeling of shame is knowledge of the fact that mistakes are natural and fixable. Shame is preventable by decreasing self comparison to others as well as competition. Elison says that letting go of the ego allows a person to have control over their happiness because it takes away extra unnecessary discomfort and competition.
Feeling shame is something that can be changed, so take on a challenge and practice decreasing shame by respecting peoples differences, encouraging others and learning from past mistakes because success is progress says Elison.
To change a way of life and a perception of feeling and dealing with embarrassment, shame and guilt is to change one’s self by making space for self-improvement willingly. Although these feelings are natural, they can be improved by seeking less competition, and decreasing judgment and self judgment.
Understanding the importance that acceptance is not based on performance explains Professor Jeff Elison. The lecture “The Self Under Siege: Coping with Shame, Guilt and Humiliation” by Jeff Elison was a valuable lecture. Thank you Professor Jeff Elison.