Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**
Dear DLC, This is my first year in college. So far all I have been falling for in the guy department is jerks, and guys that are taken. I really want to find a single guy that will like me. But it’s so hard. So, what I can I do? I don’t want to date anyone I just want some options if I change my mind on dating.
CT: It sounds to me like your lying to yourself about the whole not wanting to date anyone, let’s be honest if you really didn’t care about it then you wouldn’t even notice that they are no nice guys up for grabs. It also sounds to me like you’re looking for a relationship rather than casual dating or hook ups. Now get your pen ready I’m about to give the best advice ever: STAY SINGLE, AND MINGLE, MINGLE, MINGLE! Don’t be one of those kids who spent their entire first years of college hung up in a relationship, when really you could be getting to know lots of guys, and who knows, maybe under that cocky jerk exterior is actually a guy with a big heart.
VL: I think you need to make up your mind about whether you want to date or not. There are not too many “good guys” I know that are willing to be just an option if you happen to change your mind on dating. It’s this exact attitude that is probably preventing you from meeting a decent guy. If you’re putting out an I-don’t-want-anything-serious vibe, all the nice will pick up on it, and then you will find yourself in your current situation again, surrounded by jerks. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with not wanting something serious right now, but don’t be expecting a crowd of highly datable guys waiting for you when you change your mind.
Dear DLC, My new boyfriend in uncircumcised and it freaks me out, how do I go about this situation?
VL: Right, because everybody knows that uncircumcised penises are so attractive. I mean really, if having an eye-catching package is a prerequisite to dating you, you’re in for a lot of disappointment. Guys go through a lot of effort to make it a least bearable to look at: grooming, washing, etc. (well, some guys do anyway) but at the end of the day a penis isn’t there for pretty. This is why “dick pics” never go over as well as you hoped for, fellas. As long as it gets the job done, you don’t need to look at it if you don’t want to. Bottom line is that if you ask him to ditch the foreskin, he’ll probably ditch you instead. Either accept this part of him, or start exclusively dating Jewish guys.
CT: There is nothing wrong with a little foreskin honey, as long as he keeps it clean and he keeps you satisfied there is no issue is there? I mean the guy has been living this way for 18 or 18+ years so just because you’re a little weirded out by it doesn’t mean he’s going to sign up for surgery tomorrow. So get used to it or move on.
Dear DLC, I’m working on campus and my job is great, what’s even greater is the new co-worker we hired. He’s very good looking, and I can’t help but thinking of all the places to pounce on him at work. So where can I hook up with him at work without getting caught?
CT: Hooking up in the work place can be very hot, but also very complicated. Before pouncing on this dude in the supply closet be sure that he also feels that way about you, or else you’re going to feel pretty stupid when he’s pushing you away and asking your boss about sexual harassment policy. Now assuming he wants to get down and dirty with you, be sure to find any dim lighted places with some privacy, maybe like a back office or small cubicle! Have fun! Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool!
VL: I’m all for the rush and excitement that comes with an at-work hook-up, but it’s a move that is very risky and best left to the professionals. Just make sure to cover your bases. Pick a time of day when you aren’t busy and an isolated location, preferably with a lock, one where it would be reasonable for you to both be in if someone came knocking. (Hint: No one will buy that it takes two people to grab a broom from the closet in the back.) If these conditions cannot be met, this sex-session on the clock shouldn’t go down, unless you’re willing to risk your job. If they can, have at it and pray your workplace doesn’t have hidden cameras, because I wouldn’t put it passed a broke college student to sell your sex tape for some gas money.
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