Erik Weinburg
The Paw Print
After my endless complaints about relationships with the opposite sex, my friend took some initiative and signed me up for an internet dating site. Now, I like to think myself as somewhat outgoing and generally friendly when I’m not holed up playing “Magic: The Gathering” or Halo, so this was awkward for me.
I always thought internet dating was a depressing plot point in a romantic comedy, where my bestie, probably played by Lisa Kudrow, decided I needed to stop living on the couch, eating nothing but chocolate ice cream. I just didn’t think I’d reached the point in my life where my social life had stagnated to a six-pack and an internet connection.
Despite this, I decided give it a try. According to tradition, I, as a man, am supposed to find a girl and present her father with a cow, a pig, and a few chickens to show that I can take care of her. In return, he is to provide me with as much mead as I can drink for a month after the hitchin’. While a month’s worth of mead would be appreciated, I wouldn’t know where to find such quantities of livestock, but fortunately, things are a little different these days. Unfortunately, things are also much more stressful. There’s not exactly a dealership where one can browse through aisles of females, to proverbially kick the tires, examine upholstery, and haggle for a limited warranty, if you know what I mean. A dating site seems to be the closest thing to such a place. It’s supposedly a place where nobody misunderstands your expectations, and you can’t be stuck as “just a friend” again. Life however, is rarely ideal.
I set up a profile, answering questions such as what five things I couldn’t live without. I quickly realized there was a large problem. This was kind of the opposite of regular conversation. In talking to people in reality, one second guesses him/herself after the conversation, when awkward situations came up. When filling in a profile, I found I was kicking myself before the conversation. I had an acute anxiety of whether this was the right word to use, where this comma should be placed, trying to come off as aloof but not lazy, and so on.
After many revisions, I brazenly decided I should click the “random match” button to see what would happen. Off to a great start, the site offered the profile of my ex-girlfriend. Immediately discouraged, I shut my laptop and pouted for a while. A month or so went by and I checked in on the site a few times. I talked to a couple girls, but no “one” came along, as I was promised by many a Facebook advertisement. Upon the brink of profile-cide, a girl sent me a message one day. She seemed cute, and into the same things as me, but there had to be a catch somewhere. Something had to be wrong. She lives in Chicago, of course. When at first it doesn’t work, give up entirely. I have now retreated back to trading cards, video games, and complaining.
It seems like the author has the wrong idea about dating in general. The whole article had a very inorganic feel, like a girlfriend or dating where are just “things” he wants that he can simply treat like his cards or video games. I’m not a professional but I also get the feeling that there are also some confidence issues coming into play here, in that the author doesn’t want to put too much effort into a relationship, for fear that he’ll be too invested when it falls a part. The part I don’t get is why he complains so much about things not working out when he puts forth so little effort. It’s unrealistic to expect any substantial results when you put in so little effort, that goes for everything. I don’t see things working out much for Erik in the future, until he is willing to give both himself and others a real chance in a relationship and put in the work required to make it strong.