Erik Weinberg
The Paw Print
The Oldest and Greatest Problem.
I was released from my geology class early the other day and I found I had a few extra minutes to myself. I wandered around campus a little and found myself in the SUB. A particular advertisement caught my eye. In large, foot tall letters, it read “SEX…” and smaller “is easy. Try love for once”
This intrigued me. Since when is sex easy? Did I miss that announcement? Was that right after Obama said he supports gay rights? Did he just declare sex was easy after that? It’s entirely possible.
I rarely watch television unless it’s Netflix or The Daily Show, but I’m pretty sure Jon Stewart would have mentioned something like that happening. In my experience, sex isn’t easy at all. In fact, it makes easy things more difficult than they should be. Entire friendships can be ruined from a thirty-second lapse of judgment, a minute and a half on a good day.
Any sort of casual relationship comes to a close, and everyone hates each other forever. Yeah, it’s a Hollywood cliché, but sex complicates everything. The baffling thing is, it’s ridiculously hard to coordinate. It’s no secret that we men enjoy sex, and, from what I’ve heard, women do too.
This means it should be at least somewhat easy to set up. I know there are different hormones at work, coursing through the veins of the fairer gender and psychology or something. Men want to spread their seed with any willing partner, and women need a reliable mate that’s not going to flake out when it comes time to change diapers at four a.m. I get it, but I have heard many females say that all they want is to get laid tonight. Unless I’m mistaken, one night stands happen. They’re things that exist, and not some lie TV sitcoms have told me about, like a fat guy getting a really hot wife, right?
This is not a new problem. All through recorded history, people have whined about sex. I’d bet that the oldest European human specimen was only on a walk because he was frustrated his mate didn’t want to “do it” because she had a headache. He went for a walk to calm his nerves, and got caught in a glacier.
Humans are not even the only creatures on the planet that have to deal with these things. Birds in rainforests build intricate nests with trinkets and flowers so the female will come by and check it out. If they have a sick enough pad, they will get to further their species. Fish make dirt mounds for the same reason. Predators come to Earth and rip out skulls still attached to spinal columns to impress females.
Also, if sex were easy, why would there be a weekly Dirty Little Column, in which sexperts listen to sexasperating and sextraordinary problems? So, I guess the point is: that advertisement doesn’t know what it’s talking about.
Erik The Destroyer.
You have any thoughts on this? Let me know. weinbergen@grizzles.adams.edu
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