The ASC’s Dirty Little Secret Column With the Delicious Dr. Love’s

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightening are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.

Dear DLC, I’m really attracted to this girl.  She recently got out of a long-term relationship.  Her friends say she doesn’t want to date right now because of this, but I’m unsure if this is the truth or if they’re hinting that she isn’t interested in me, how can I tell?
VL: If this girl is reeling from a bad breakup, this isn’t the time she wants to be considering anything long-term.  Likely, she will go through a wild phase where she will go through guys faster than Girault goes through toilet paper.  Trust me, you don’t want to make your move now, wait it out so you don’t end up the rebound.  When that time finally comes that her friends say she’s ready to date, then make your move.  Your girl’s best friends can be your best ally, or your worst enemy.  From the get-go they are already not on your side, so I would proceed with caution.
CT: So here’s the deal, if I just got out of a long term relationship I wouldn’t want to go want to dive head first into the dating scene either. Give her sometime to let her get over it and enjoy her newfound freedom. If you want to be a part of her life in the future, it’s not a good idea to try to date her now. Right now just be her friend and time will tell if this relationship is supposed to happen.
Dear DLC, My boyfriend and I recently broke up.  We were together a long time and he was a big part of my life.  Things ended pretty badly(because of things he did) but I told him I still want to be his friend.  The problem is he isn’t over it and he’s expressing his feelings publicly on facebook.  Everyone comments, and they make me seem like a giant B****.  He messed up, not me, so how can I drop the bad name they’re giving me?
CT: Facebook is not meant for a self-loathing pity party! Your boyfriend isn’t over you and so he thinks by publicly telling the world this, that you’ll see how much he cares and you will take him back. Like you said he messed up, so don’t feel sorry for him. Ignore the comments; don’t let them get to you. Its also probably a good idea if your not friends for the time being.
VL: This is what social networking has done to us, created relationship problems of the 21st century, how petty.  If you get into all-out bitter breakup facebook war, I will have no choice but to join in on your public humiliation.  On a serious note, don’t.  It’s annoying.  What you really need to do is get over it.  So what if he’s “heartbroken” on facebook?  That’s just pathetic.  In fact, the only thing more pathetic than that would be if you let it affect you in the slightest.  I’m guessing its his group of mindless friends, who aren’t aware of the entire situation, making you out to be a bitch, so screw them.  Don’t let it bring you down.  I know you agreed to be friends, but obviously Mr. Facebooks-his-life-Away can’t cope, so what you need is a clean break.  Don’t be so immature as to block him and pretend your relationship never happened (because that is a sure-fire way to indicate you are NOT over it) but there really is no reason he needs to be on your friend list when he’s behaving like this.

Dear DLC, I have managed to work my way into a sticky situation…again. I have a tendency to play musical beds with many women and I’m pretty sure I pay a few peoples salaries at Trojan. I have narrowed it down to 5 women that I like, but I can’t decide on just one… or even two for that matter. One is a really sweet girl, but the sex just isn’t that good with her. She isn’t adventurous but she is a nice girl. Number 2 is a freak in the sheets but not a girl to bring home to mom. Number three gives the best oral imaginable. Number 4 & 5 come in a package deal and the three of us drink and have crazy sex. I don’t know what to do. Do I try to get the nice ones to be naughty, or get the naughty ones to do stuff outside the bedroom, or just keep on playing the game the way I am?

CT: 5 women huh? I bet you feel like a stud. From the sounds of it 4 out of the 5 are girls you shouldn’t be bragging about, and the one girl with redeeming qualities, is to “nice” for you to coax into anything sexually satisfying. My guess is that your paying more salaries at online porn sites than Trojan. Assuming I am wrong (which isn’t likely) and by the grace of god these poor girls actually are sleeping with you, they obviously aren’t interested in dating you. They in turn probably have 5 guys that they simply “can’t choose from” Will you make the cut? Unlikely. So my advice is to ride this thing out as long as you possibly can, and when you decide to stop being a manwhore and commit to a “nice” girl, drop the ego.

VL: So you are overcompensating for something? I feel that these aren’t 5 ladies but maybe 5 guys… or better yet, you are still a virgin. Do yourself a favor and the rest of the campus, and stop kidding yourself.  I am guessing that they all have daddy issues if they want anything to do with you. So you getting the girl to act like a freak in the sheets after a while might not be her calling you daddy as talking dirty… just sayin’.
It sounds, as though, you are the one being played. In my experience all women want to be a dirty girl in bed, but she doesn’t want to be one with you, so what does that tell you? And as for the two pack, I bet your mother would be so proud of you to bring two hussies home to her. Shows her what great use her and your father’s money is going toward! Great job! As for fallacious babe, just think of the dinner talk you would have with your family. “Why do you love her?” “Because she gives the most amazing head imaginable!” Yeah, okay, cool.

Dear DLC: I hate men, I’m going lesbian.  Just thought you should know.

VL: Enjoy yourself.  I feel so honored that you decided to come out to us, two anonymous writers that you have never met before.  (And just as a hint, you can probably just copy/paste this letter to your parents!)

CT: Get it girl! is powered by WordPress µ | Spam prevention powered by Akismet