Serving Wench Sabotage By Elizabeth Young

Stacy is a serving wench at the Renaissance Festival, and she has a problem.
She screams “Huzzah to the lovely tipper!” Then, out of sight, she sneaks sixty-five cents from the silver money box into her skirt pocket and whispers under her breath, “Sucker…”
She shouts ice cream orders through the small window to the kitchen slaves.
Before handing the strawberry cone to the seven year old child, she adds a superfluous amount of “special” toppings: laxative sprinkles, hot sauce, etc.
The child smiles, says “Awesome,” takes the sweet dessert, and disappears.
Stealing and messing up strawberry ice cream isn’t the only thing Stacy does. She squeezes six small droplets of rat poison before uniting a vanilla bowl with its owner, and specifically sneezes on the King-Sized Banana Splits.
During her smoke break, she defecates directly into the chocolate ice cream tub (instead of using those smelly porta-potties for the public). She hides the evidence by covering it in whipped cream before serving it to the customer.
Stacy strikes up a conversation with the super handsome sir who mans the chocolate covered cheesecake on a stick cart. She uses her feminine charm to seduce Sir Studly & convinces him she’s legal (although she’s technically seventeen). While his cart is unattended, she swaps out the chocolate sauce for a bucket of tar.
Stacy sneaks onto a stage and hides behind a curtain. When the timing is right, she sticks her slippered foot out and trips the belly dancers, bagpipers, and comedians with a bawdy sense of humor. If the performance falters, has a mishap, and in general sucks…there will be less tips for them and more money to be spent on food at her station.
Stacy also sabotages savory dishes such as Scotch eggs. She covers a raw egg in sausage, and coats it with salt instead of sourdough bread crumbs. She sharpens one side of the stick extra sharp and stabs the dull end into the Scotch egg. The starving customer better be careful, otherwise they’ll slice a hand.
It takes six minutes for a salty batch of shoestring French fries to be served through the window. Stacy waltzes through the kitchen & increases the timer by twenty minutes & the slaves are forced to dish up burnt potatoes.
Empanadas are frozen solid and have to be put in the oven at three hundred and seventy five degrees for fifteen minutes. She leaves the time alone, but she adjusts the oven to read two hundred and fifty degrees.  If the artichoke station next door is empty and veggies are boiling, she will “accidentally” hit the pot with her hip. Thirty artichokes suddenly splatter onto the floor and the hungry customers have to wait even longer.
Her co-workers might be oblivious, but the customers are not. Every time the Queen’s Pantry manager gets a complaint, he calls Stacy into his office. Stacy plays the stupid card and quietly shoves a twenty across the table. He eyes the bribe, nods, throws the complaint in the trash, and they proceed to fornicate on the couch with the door locked. is powered by WordPress µ | Spam prevention powered by Akismet