Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.
Dear DLC, I finally did the deed with this guy I’ve been dating for a while. We’re getting really close, but he keeps pushing the one question I’m afraid to answer. He wants to know what my number is. Obviously, he knows I’m not a virgin or anything, but I have no idea what he’ll consider too high or too low. How do I get out of telling him what it is?
VL: To any of our loyal readers, I would like to say that if you’re considering asking your significant other this question…don’t. Think about it, what could you possibly gain from knowing the answer to this question? Either it will be lower than you expected and you’ll feel self-conscious about your own number or it will be higher than expected and you’ll start to question your partner’s promiscuity.
As for it being exactly what you expected, give me a break. Once you’re honest with yourself you’ll realize that no number is going to be ‘just right.’ Now, for your question. Getting out of it is going to require more than just avoiding the question if this guy is as persistent as he seems. Just be very direct, and hold your ground. Tell him that he likes you, he’s getting some, and you don’t care to share your number with him. He needs to be content with that, or miss out on a good thing. As a guy, he really can’t disagree with that logic.
CT: He doesn’t need to know your number, and you don’t need to know his. He’s going to freak out if you have slept with more than 5 guys and he’s going to freak if you only slept with a few too. Nothing good can come from answering this question. Tell it to him straight, he doesn’t need to know, all he needs to know is that you’re with him now and the guys before him don’t matter.
Dear DLC, This girl who I’ve been hanging out with lately hardly ever gets ready. She’s a cute girl but she never wants to dress up or comb her hair. She wears hoodies when we go out to the bars, and this really bugs me, is this reason enough to ditch this girl or is there something I can do about it?
VL: A good rule of thumb is that a girl who can’t take care of herself, isn’t going to start anytime soon. This is an indication of how much care she puts into
Dear DLC, I have been seeing this guy, lets call him “Sam,” for only a month. Recently, he’s been dropping a lot of ‘L-Bombs’ but in a weird way. I get it over the phone or through text message, but never face-to-face. I still haven’t used it back. I’ve always thought of this as a big moment in a relationship, but he’s throwing it around like its nothing. How do I get him to understand this is irritating and really confusing to me?
CT: Females these days sheesh! If he wasn’t dropping the L-Bomb you’d be mad that he isn’t expressing himself to you, and now he is saying it and your still complaining, WTF? Have you ever thought that maybe he really does have deep feelings for you and is only using text as a way to see how you react? The poor dude is probably hurt by the fact that you don’t say anything back about it. Your clearly not having the same feelings he has for you and that’s okay, the question is are you ever going to? If the answer is yes then tell him “I really care about you, but I’m not ready to say the “L-Word” yet, and if the answer is no then leave him and stop leading him on.
VL: Your guy seems like the non-confrontational type. This has two possibilities. One: He thinks you expect him to say ‘I love you’ but he is not prepared to say it to your face, so he uses it in a way that’s easy, which is typing it out and hitting send. Two: He doesn’t understand how much those words mean to you, so he doesn’t see what he’s doing wrong. Now I know heart-to-heart conversations might feel like you’re getting mediated by an RA, but in this case, I would highly recommend one. You need to explain to your guy that when he drops the ‘L-Bomb’ it should be to your face, and he should mean every word.