ASC’s Dirty Little Column With the Delicious Drs. Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.

Dear DLC, I recently got out of a very long term and very exclusive relationship with a girl back home.  I’m over the break and more than ready to move on. Problem is I lost my game. How do I get it back?
CT:  College girls are so desperate and easy, no game or swagger is even required.  Start talking to any girl on campus, more than likely she’ll be so happy that a male is giving her any attention at all, she’ll be all over you.  Good luck bro, go get you some.
VL:  First off you need to come to the realization that you never had any ‘game’ to begin with.  You kept a relationship with a girl back home for a reason.  My guess is fear that girls would reject you in your new college environment.  Sadly, that fear has been realized.  Secondly, using phrases like ‘lost my game’ and reminiscing about how much ‘game’ you had in your glory days is not helping your situation.  My colleague is correct on the point about college females.  I would also add ‘naive’ and ‘misguided’ to the list.  The key here is confidence. If you believe you have ‘game,’ these girls do not have the sense to believe otherwise.  Walk around like you’re the hottest thing on campus, and pretty soon you will be.
Dear DLC, I hooked up with this girl for a few weeks, the problem is I have feelings, and I fear she will only think of me as her hook up buddy.
VL: When will you college students learn?  Your underdeveloped brains are not yet capable of separating sex and emotional attachment, so please stop attempting to do so.  The good news for you is that your lady-friend is most likely equally incapable of doing so.  I would recommend baby steps. Try a little post-coital cuddling, perhaps a little pillow talk for starters.  Right now, you are in hook up buddy territory.  It’s a long road into relationship zone, but the light at the end of the tunnel is that you might end up in a healthy relationship where you can reap the benefits of sex and emotional attachment.  Imagine that.
CT:  Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?  She’s a girl, so chances are she is thinking the same thing.  She is most likely waiting on you to ask her to actually form a relationship.  Start asking her to hang out besides in the bedroom, this will help with the transition from hook up pals into a more serious relationship.
Dear DLC,  My recently ex-boyfriend added my ex-best friend on Facebook.  He’s writing all over her wall and commenting on her pictures.  I feel like he’s doing it on purpose, should I get revenge?
CT:  Stop ruining relationships and friendships and then you won’t have this issue!  These are exs, meaning in the past, so why do you care so much?  The best revenge you can get is to let go and move on.  Once he sees that it doesn’t bug you or that you’re not hitting on his friends, he’ll probably drop it.  Before you decide to disregard my advice and seek revenge, remember what they say about karma.
VL:  Why do you choose to keep these so-called ‘exs’ as your Facebook friends?  You really thought that would go over well?  You and your ex broke up for a reason, but you haven’t entirely broken up yet.  Stop dragging this out.  Yes, he is doing this on purpose, that much is clear.  He is harboring some feelings for you still and passive-aggressively taking them out in a way he knows will get under your skin.  My advice is to not play into this game.  Cut your ties, and cut your losses.  If the constant cyber-flirtation is bothering you, that’s why Zuckerberg created the ‘unfriend’ option.  While revenge is sweet, trust me, moving on while he’s still pining away for you is sweeter.

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