Dear DLC, My boyfriend told me that we don’t have to use a condom if he pulls out before he comes. Now I think I’m pregnant, so what should I do?
VL: Okay, so first off you are definitely pregnant. You should consult a physician right away. The fact that you fell for this is a testament to your stupidity. He probably convinced you that rash on his privates was just some ingrown hair too, huh? To all girls who read this column, please don’t fall victim to this ploy. You CAN still get pregnant even if your man pulls out. ALWAYS use some form of birth control, and if you’re with a guy who’s trying to convince you to go sans condom, then you should probably wear two. We don’t want the likes of you reproducing.
CT: Honey, you’re in college. This means that everyone is sleeping with everyone, so the fact that you have let this boyfriend of yours convince you to go without a condom is really unbelievably dumb. It is probably likely you are with child if him pulling out was your birth control every single time. You need to get yourself checked immediately for STDS and pregnancy and please don’t ever let a guy convince you into having sex without some form of protection if you’re not ready to bear children or deal with a sexually transmitted disease.
Dear DLC, This girl I’ve been sleeping with is starting to piss me off. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is all right, but she calls me excessively. When I’m at work, when I’m in class, and when I’m out with friends. I want to keep her as a sex buddy, but at some point enough is enough. How do I get her to chill a bit?
VL: Wow, this sounds like the booty call from hell. You’re number one issue is worrying that this girl’s libido can’t be satisfied by just one guy. I’d hope you’re using protection with a girl who’s sex drive is that high. Normally, I’d tell you to man up and give the lady what she needs, but if its interfering with your schooling, work, and man-time, you need to address the issue. I would take a trip to the local sex shop and pick up your lady a “friend” that can keep her occupied while you’re away. Just make sure its not one of the top of the line ones, because you don’t want those calls to completely stop, do you?
CT: Listen here bro, ask yourself this: Is the all right sex, worth it? I’m thinking not. The fact that she hassles you 24/7 for attention and constantly checking up on you while you’re with your friends seems like she is looking for more of a relationship than a hook up buddy. You said yourself that you only want a sex friend, so find one that fits your lifestyle better, someone who isn’t clingy and will only call you when your sex services are needed.
Dear DLC, My buddy got his girlfriend pregnant. The only thing is that I’ve heard some things around, and let’s just say that the baby’s paternity is in question. Is there a tactful way to bring this up to my friend?
VL: No. There is no tactful way to handle this situation. The good news is your friend is probably already aware of his girlfriend’s promiscuity and therefore already has some doubts of his own. Once you get your friend to verbalize those doubts by catching him when his guard is down, there is a trick to confronting the girl in question. These situations seem to work better when the baby’s alleged daddy isn’t the one accusing. This is where you might have to take one for the team and be the one who has to ask for a paternity test. Hopefully, he is an expecting father…or not, I don’t know the specifics of the situation. I mean, who wants to be forever linked to a girl like that?
CT: Your friend, I’m sure is aware that his girlfriend is a little less than classy, and gets around campus. He might just be in denial or not want to face this truth. You need to talk to your buddy personally and be sure to word everything very carefully. The last thing you want him to do is blow up on you for thinking that he’s girl is not faithful. There is no real advice I can give for you to just be cautious and handle your buddy’s feelings with care.
ATTENTION READERS:
It has come to our attention that some readers have expressed concern that their girlfriend has been physically harming them. Usually, our column has a humorous tone, but domestic violence is a serious matter. If you believe you are being emotionally or physically abused (or stabbed) by your significant other, it is important you realize that writing in to your college newspaper is not the solution. This is a situation in which medical attention is needed and police involvement is required. If you are writing this in just for fun, you must realize that this is no joking matter.
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