ASC’s Dirty Little Column With the Delicious Drs. Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors of mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.

Dear DLC, I just found out that the guy I have been talking to has a girlfriend.  I broke things off, but I want to get back at the bastard, how can I do that?
CT: There is nothing more satisfying than revenge. Seeing the person who hurt you, and did you wrong, watch as you live the carefree life is the best. Be sure to flaunt your singleness to the best of your ability. And don’t be afraid to blab to your girlfriends and anyone else to who will listen about what a jerk he is and how he not only lied to you, but also cheated on his loyal trusting girlfriend at home. Soon he’ll be deemed the jerk of campus and you’ll be the girl having fun and living life.
VL: When it comes to revenge, you must remember that you are walking a very thin line between a little satisfaction and being a deranged psychopath. I’ve always said the best form of revenge is going about your business like this revelation never phased you, as in “cheating scum bag who?”  Do all those fun things that single girls do, and be happy.  Act like getting rid of this dead weight was the best thing that’s ever happened to you.  However, if you’re the more cold-hearted-harlot type, I have one caution: make sure your revenge is very discreet.  Nothing is going to make you look worse than being dubbed that girl who he was just talking to that flipped out and went all crazy on him.  The obvious route you could go is clueing in Ms. Oblivious Girlfriend into her man’s wondering interests.  Since you’ve already removed yourself from the situation and won’t have to deal with the fallout from this revelation, I’d say it’d be safe for you to be the bearer of bad news.  Just keep it anonymous!
Dear DLC, I have a really hard time being sexy.  Dirty talk and being flirty doesn’t come natural to me and I think it’s why I have such a hard time landing boys.  How do I get better at that type of thing?
VL:  Don’t worry; no one’s really that good at this type of thing.  Those that are, are either first rate D-bags or sluts.  The fact that this makes you uncomfortable shows that you have a sliver of dignity left.  Now, what you need to do is stop stressing so much about it.  Being flirtatious doesn’t necessarily mean you need to flirt. When it comes to being sexy, it’s more of an attitude and there are many weapons in your arsenal that you can use.  It seems to me that you’re problem isn’t that you can’t be sexy; you just are less verbal about it.  So play to your strengths, maybe you’re more of a physical being and let your body language and coy looks do the work.  Maybe you could play into this whole shy, slightly awkward thing you have going on, and guys will be attracted by your seemingly innocence.  All I can say is that if you have the confidence, all the rest will fall into place.
CT: I can’t agree with my co-writer anymore. In any situation confidence is key. Remember the right amount of confidence and being comfortable with yourself is the best way to attract someone. Don’t be afraid to play up your strength and admit to your weaknesses. Personally there is nothing more appealing to me then someone one who can honestly be themselves. Someone who doesn’t put up a front and dress up or act like something they aren’t. You don’t need to talk dirty to land guys sweetheart, you just need to talk to them, bond over a common interest and things should take off from there. Words to live by: What’s meant to be will always find a way!

Dear DLC, My boyfriend is a big fan of oral, but I don’t particularly like it.  Mostly, I just feel really self-conscious and sometimes I don’t always get him there.  Help please?
CT: You’re giving him oral so I’m sure he has no complaints. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable about the situation, and the only way your going to get better is patience, communication and practice! Do what you feel is right even if it takes a few tries to find what you like. Talk, ask him what he likes and be open to his suggestions. Once you feel more comfortable practice your new techniques and I’m sure both of you will have more enjoyable experiences.
VL:  You need to stop over analyzing what you’re doing.  Many factors can contribute to his lack of fruition (stress, being tired, alcohol, to name a few).  The advantage to your problem is that in this situation, you’re completely in control; so making it a better experience for the two of you is completely within your grasp.  I can’t stress it enough: don’t over think it!  Just do what feels right, and I’m sure your man would agree.  I would also venture to say that this guy will be very understanding, and more than willing to let you have all the practice you need.  The fact is, you’re willing to give him oral to begin with, so he’s already on cloud 9 about it, and you know what they say: Practice makes perfect!


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