ASC’s Dirty Little Column With the Delicious Drs. Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.

Dear DLC, My roommate is becoming really annoying to my boyfriend and me.  She is always in our dorm! There is literally an imprint from where she lays watching TV.  I wouldn’t care, but it makes it really awkward when my boyfriend is over.  I understand it’s her room too, but I’d like to feel comfortable in it too, and that includes being able to bring my boyfriend over.  Its not like we’re planning anything X rated, but it would be nice to have 5 minutes to ourselves in MY room.

VL:  Cut the act.  This column is 99% confidential, (and we try to forget that one incident where real, full names were used…) so there is no need to claim your intentions were completely honorable.  You’re two members of the opposite sex in college, it doesn’t take a doctor to connect the dots here.  You don’t indicate that your roommate is doing anything in particular to make the two of you uncomfortable, and she is entitled to her half of THE TWO OF YOURS room.  So either stop being so sensitive or start getting creative.  I’m sure there’s an empty lounge or a back corner of the library where you and your man can have your five minutes of alone time.
CT: Your roommate, like you, is paying to live in that small jail cell of a dorm as well. The side of the room where she resides is HERS so you can’t demand that she leaves when it’s convenient for you. If she wants to spend 24/7 in there then that’s her choice. She isn’t do anything wrong and if you feel uncomfortable hanging out with your man while she is in there, then find somewhere else to go. Try your car or your boyfriend’s room.
Dear DLC, I just found out my casual sex partner is starting to ‘talk’ to one of my friends.  We hook up every once in a while, and I’ve never told my friend, it never was a big deal before now.  Is this something I should tell her or something I can just keep to myself?
CT: How many times must I tell you young college students, this is a small campus! At one point in your four years here it is likely that one of your past hook ups will land up hooking up with or dating your friends. I believe that you shouldn’t tell your friend, what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her. Don’t worry about this dude slipping up either, I’m sure that if he is seeking a relationship with your gal pal then he is probably not wanting her to find out about your past relations with him.
VL:  You know all that talk about ‘girl code’ that you learned as a youngling during sleepovers and Girl Scout troupe meetings?  Yeah, that doesn’t apply in college.  You can refuse to tell your friend anything, especially since this guy was just a hook up buddy.  These two are also just in the ambiguous ‘just talking’ stages of their relationship, so most likely they will never amount to anything.  What you do need to make sure of is that he won’t snitch, because then you’re the lying slut.  Just a two-minute conversation with him, “So…lets just keep us a dirty little secret…” will ensure that your friend never has to know.
Dear DLC, Lately I have been having a hard time finding “lady friends” with good qualities.  Most are too trashy and the others are stalkers.  I think I’m an appealing guy, can you help me?
VL: Well maybe, just maybe, you should stop looking for girls at the bar.  Trashy bar rats hang out at bars, if you don’t want trashy bar rats, where shouldn’t you hang out? This isn’t rocket science.  If you want some “lady friends” who you can take home to mom, try places where good girls hang out.   ASC Cares Day is coming up, why not volunteer?  It’s bound to be crawling with ladies with good qualities, and there’s nothing more romantic than taking care of orphaned puppies or serving dinner to homeless people.
CT: Classy lady friends at this school? Are you crazy? They are like pretty much nonexistent here. Alright all jokes aside, you’re probably just looking for love in all the wrong places. My colleague is right the only girls you’re going to find at the bars are the drunk minors falling outside The Pig or the elderly cowboy ladies at Weekends, neither of which are good lady friend material. The problem is you might be looking too hard, just stop looking around the bar and take a moment to notice the females in your music class or the at the gym. I’m sure your bound to run into a good gal sooner or later. is powered by WordPress µ | Spam prevention powered by Akismet