ASC’s Dirty Little Column with the Delicious Doctors Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**

Dear DLC, Okay so here’s the deal I’m NOT the kind of girl to hook up with a guy without getting to know him first. I have a 2-month rule.
Anyways, last weekend I hooked up with a guy I haven’t known for more than two weeks. I didn’t mean too, I really tried to stay strong but this guy is ridiculously attractive and I couldn’t stop myself. I really still want to get to know him, is there a way to make this guy see I’m girlfriend material and not just an easy hook up?

VL:  Don’t be too hard on yourself about breaking your rule every rule has an exception. Maybe you shouldn’t have such rigid guidelines for something as unpredictable as your feelings or something as impulsive as sex. I’m not saying don’t wait (its very classy of you) but putting a deadline on it is not the way to go.  When it feels right, it is.  Now, if you think you jumped the gun in this particular situation, it’s very limited what you can do.  If this guy is only looking for sex, and you’ve given him that, I’m sorry to say no matter how ‘girlfriendly’ you come off as, it ain’t gonna happen. An easy test: next time he asks you to hang out, suggest something that comes off very date-ish, preferably where you will be seen out in public with him (if it’s a place his friends frequent, that’s even better).
If he agrees, he’s interested in seeing where this will go.  If not, you’re already in his mind as a hook-up buddy he’d rather not invest in.  Move on, and find a guy who’d be willing to wait 12 months for you…or at the very least 3.

CT: Ridiculously attractive huh? Well if he is as good-looking as you make him sound no one is blaming you for hopping in the sack so soon with this guy. In realty, 2 weeks in college is quite awhile especially if you take a look around you’ll realize that some girls are hooking up on the first date, and most of the football team is playing musical beds. So don’t worry about it. I fully respect your 2-month rule; it shows that you have self respect and self worth. You should figure out Mr. Hottie’s intentions, is he looking for a hook up or a girlfriend? Once you know what to expect, you can decide if this boy is worth getting to know or not.

Dear DLC, So I’m having problems with this guy I really like. Every time we get things figured out, he says something mean and makes me cry. He says its because he can’t stay with one girl.  I’m willing to be open relationship, but I don’t know how to talk about anything with him anymore. Also, I thought maybe he was hearing the rumors about me from people from that went to my high school. So what do I do, I cant find any good guys even when I try.

CT: Sweetheart, where’s the self respect, seriously? A douche bag that makes you cry on a regular basis is NOT okay! Don’t cater his needs by offering to be in an open relationship if that is something your not interested in. I hate to be the one who crushes your hopes but he’s just not that into you! Example 1: if he was looking to have a relationship with you, even open, he would be easier to talk to, and he wouldn’t say such hurtful things. Example 2: if he really liked you he wouldn’t care about stupid high school rumors. So move on and don’t waste another minute on this tool.

VL:  Okay, before I get into the advice portion, let me clear one thing up: Nobody cares about what you did in high school.  Get over it.  The people you went to high school with are probably too busy living their college lives to even talk about high school.  They’ve moved on, so you need to do the same.  Now that I got that off my chest, what is wrong with you? This boy has straight up told you that he isn’t interested in being with one girl and says awful things that make you cry on a regular basis.  Let me clue you in to why you “can’t find any good guys” it’s because you’re too busy wasting your time with this grade-A douche bag.  You need to wise up and let this guy play these head games with another girl, because the sad part of it all is that he probably already is. I realize this is coming off harsh, but you need to WAKE UP, guys like this aren’t worth your time. Things are not going to get better. He is not going to wake up one day and be boyfriend material.  He is going to continue to treat you this way because you’re allowing him to. You need to leave him, so that way you can open the door when someone worthy of you comes along.

Dear DLC, Okay so I was born in west Philadelphia, pretty much grew up there.  Loved going to the playground and shooting hoops nonstop.
Unfortunately a couple of guys started giving the neighborhood a bad name, and my mom moved me out to a rich town in California with my aunt and uncle. I was able to star on the basketball team and pull nonstop women, while my cousin Carlton would sit there and be jealous.  Anyways recently my Uncle Phil decided to quit his job as a judge and move out to Alamosa.   What should I do differently to pick up women here?  The girls in Philly were easy, and loved the rich ‘Bel Aire’ women, but it seems like its cowboy country out here.  Thanks for the help.

VL:Hmmm…where have I heard this before?  Real clever there, pal.With wit like this, how are you NOT finding yourself a nice lady friend? Definitely invest in a pair of Wranglers and some plaid.
Start spittin’ out phrases like “y’all” and “PBR.”  Most importantly: you need to have the right attitude.  You need to walk around with the swagger of knowing that if a bull attacked, you could remain calm and tackle that thing to the ground with your bare hands.  Only then will you be able to catch the eye of a cowgirl.

CT: Well you should probably stop walking around like a tool drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass, and start to live the cowboy country life style. Trade in all those tracksuits for some tight jeans and cowboy boots. Drop the basketball for a lasso and hit up Weekends with your cousin Carlton. I’m sure you’ll find yourself a cowgirl in no time. Good Luck.


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