ASC’s Dirty Little Column with the Delicious Doctors Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**

Dear DLC, Okay, so my friend has this girl stalking him. She always shows up wherever he is, even when no one else knows where he went. My other friends and I keep trying to get him to turn her in, but he’s too nice. What should we do?
CT:  So your buddy has got a stage five clinger huh? My advice is to be rude to her, down right evil, biggest jerk ever! I mean why would you want to hang around with some dude who has rude friends? Seeing as she is stalking your friend, there is nothing you can really do except to try to convince him how scary stalker situations can turn out to be. Rent the movie “Swimfan” and have him watch it, maybe it will freak him out enough to approach the situation.
VL: I assume that you’re assuming that your friend isn’t interested in this girl. Believe it or not, you might not know your buddy as well as you think.  A big indicator would be if he hasn’t expressed concern about her constant presence.  Maybe you and your friends need to back off and stop acting like a group of middle school girls, and allow this love connection to happen.  However, if he is also worried about her, the most you can do as friends is try and convince him to talk to her about her stalkerish behavior.  Until he confronts her, there’s not much you can do about it.  As of now there’s nothing technically wrong with ‘happening’ to show up at the same places as your friend.  You’re best bet is your friend being direct and telling her what she’s doing is downright creepy.
Dear DLC, So, I’m having trouble meeting guys. Well, actually people in general. Every time I meet someone I either come off mean or they laugh at me. The friends I do have, well I’m not entirely sure they’re friends. My roommate and I talk, but she’s never here. I don’t really get out much because well… I can’t really meet anyone. Can’t isn’t the word though; I just don’t. I don’t get invited anywhere and most of my friends act like they don’t want me around. I try speaking up but apparently I’m not loud enough. I try to talk to anyone I can, but it feels like they take one look at me and take a few steps back. I don’t really know what to do. So I’m hoping you guys can help me.
VL:  First off, you need to ditch the ‘friends’ you’re hanging out with. If they aren’t appreciating your company, you’re wasting the valuable time that you COULD be spending finding yourself a new posse.  Let’s try an exercise, shall we?  Picture yourself happy, really happy at college with your group of friends.  What are you doing? Going to see the football game?  Going out on a Saturday night?  Whatever it is, you need to go do that, *gasp*, alone.  This might be scary at first, but obviously what you’re doing now is working out to well.  While you’re out there doing the things you want to do, strike up a conversation with the people around you, because obviously they’re the kind of people you want to hang out with anyway.  People really aren’t as scary as they seem, and most of them are probably having the same concerns you are.  The difference between you and them is that you’re being proactive about finding friends, and beginning with the DLC was definitely a good place to start!
CT: Maybe you smell funky so they feel the need to flee. Okay really, you’re in college now, and believe me when I got here I felt the same way.  I didn’t know how to be social or how to meet friends. It’s a brand new environment and it’s scary and intimidating. Joining intramural sports and clubs is a great way to find more people. Sporting events are great social places so ask some girls in your hall if they want to catch the football game with you this Saturday, my guess is that they are probably looking to find new friends too.

Dear DLC, I have this huge crush on this guy in my hall, but we decided to be friends.  I feel that he wants more but to is afraid to say it.  He wants to know why I like him more then a friend, but then he also brings up that he has a girlfriend. So is he just being cocky or does he really want more?
CT: My advice is to never ever get involved with someone who is in a relationship. You’re only going to end up hurt because he will not leave his girlfriend. Also, put yourself in her shoes; imagine how hurt she would be if she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. He’s asking you how you feel because it’s a pride thing he wants to know he is desired, it doesn’t mean he is into you. So drop this douche bag and starting mingling with the single boys around campus.
VL: Okay, I don’t know what it is about college females that makes you hold on to this false hope that boys who are committed to someone else are worth your time.  Let me lay it out for you: if he really wanted to be with you, he would make it happen.  If he thought you were a better option than his girl back home, he would loose the excess baggage.  I’m not saying to not continue your friendship and get to know him, but don’t get emotionally or physically involved until he is completely invested in you.  You deserve that much.  Otherwise, you’ll be setting yourself up for heartbreak.


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