ASC’s Dirty Little Column with the Delicious Doctors Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**

Dear DLC, I’ve recently found myself in a sticky situation. I’m hanging out with two boys and they are teammates.  They aren’t friends but I’m always afraid I’m going to be brought up in the locker room.  So do I continue to get to know both of them or just stick to one?   

VL: Let me put it to you this way: unless you want to gain a reputation as the team’s groupie, stick to one of these athletes.  There is no question about it; you will be brought up in locker room talk. Boys will be boys.  If you’re looking for something serious, you better cut ties with one of these fellows fast before they both end up hating you.  We’re all familiar with the saying “Bros before hoes,” correct? However crude it may be, there’s truth at the core. Imagine you’re one of these guys.  If you’re ‘hanging out’ with another guy on his team, how many other guys are you ‘hanging out’ with around campus? Even if you’re not being a hoe, perception is reality.

CT: Do you not read our advice, last week we clearly stated, “Do not attempt to date a student athlete”, and your dating two, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster! With such a small campus it’s hard not to get involved with people on the same teams, but you at least need to try. My advice, get to know each one a little bit better before narrowing it down to just one, but don’t milk it too much, or you’ll be the main talk of the locker room.
Dear DLC, I was talking to this guy from back home over summer and we decided to keep in touch once I came back to school.  Our conversations gradually got more flirty and suggestive.  Recently, he surprised me by booking a flight to come to see me next weekend.  I think he’s expecting sex and honestly, I thought I’d have until at least Thanksgiving break before I’d have to decide if I wanted to.  Am I obligated to sleep with him since he is coming so far just to see me?         

CT: Yes, yes it does, he is traveling all this way……NOT! Your over-flirtation, and suggestive text messages all point him to the direction to think your putting out. Your body is your body, and you don’t need to do anything or anyone your uncomfortable with. Just because he is flying miles and miles to see you doesn’t mean anything. You may want to set him straight before he even makes the trip that way he doesn’t expect you welcoming him on a bed full of roses. Do be prepared to have your feelings hurt, it is a possibility, be aware he may call you names like “tease” or he may even cancel the trip. However if that’s the case that’s not the type of guy you need in your life anyway and you can move on.

VL: First thing’s first: You are NEVER ‘obligated’ to have sex with anyone, no matter what.  If someone wants to get in your pants, they want you to feel obligated.  I don’t care how blue his balls turn you can ALWAYS back out.  Having said that, if you don’t put out you’ll be labeled as a major tease, and I definitely wouldn’t expect him to come out for a weekend in the spring.  The solution?  Be up front.  Let him know that you are not ready to take that step.  Don’t beat around the bush either, guys aren’t going to pick up on subtle clues like telling him you can’t wait to “get to know him better.” When a guy thinks he is going to get some, every innocent thing you say can be misconstrued.  Be straightforward. Just don’t be surprised if his flight gets mysteriously canceled…



Dear DLC, I live in Coronado and have a room with a window that faces inward, so I have a nice view of the courtyard and the windows on the opposite side.  Problem is, there’s a girl directly across from me who is apparently unaware that her window is visible to others and likes to change in front of it with no curtains and the shades wide open.  This wouldn’t be a problem, except I’ve met her and she’s a nice girl, and I’m pretty sure she’s just oblivious that she does this.  I don’t know who else might be looking, so should I say something?

VL:  Yeah, you never know what kind of sick, perverted, testosterone-filled creep might be watching her change from across the courtyard…. except that you’re the sick, perverted, testosterone-filled creep.  If you can live with that, then I say go ahead and enjoy your free show, but don’t act like you care who else is watching.  You’re being a hypocrite.  If, on the other hand, you have even a shred of your conscience left, you can always tell her RA, so they can tell this girl to draw her shades. That way, you don’t look like a pervert and she can stop being the unbeknownst star of the Coronado strip show.  Everybody wins.

CT: My suggestion is to round up some of the dudes, pop some corn, sit back, relax and enjoy the free show!! Why would you want to let this girl know she is bearing all for everyone to see? By telling her or her RA not only will you ruin the show for yourself, but you’ll ruin it for the other boys with the same view as well and for all you know it could be making their day that much better!

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