ASC’s Dirty Little Column with the Delicious Doctor Love

Dr. Chocolate Thunder is not real doctor or mental health professional. The doctor’s advice should not be taken seriously.**

Dear male readers, if you read my article last week you should by now have a very hot girlfriend. So, you’re welcome! This week I thought I’d offer my advice for the ladies. You see most college girls on this campus have complex that “OMG if I don’t have a BF, I’ll die!”  Most of the girls on this campus are dumb. Ladies why can’t you just live the fun single life instead of dating some jerk that doesn’t appreciate you? But since you’re desperate for a man here’s some dating advice for you, now I can’t explain how to get a man, but I can tell you some reasons why you don’t have one.
You’re too needy. You met him last week, he texted a few times, and now you just won’t leave the guy alone. You went from 0 to 60. You’re already planning when he’ll meet your parents. This is exactly why you’re labeled in his phone as psycho in the early days.
You like players. You say you want a nice guy, but you fall for the same lines again and again. You can’t resist the football boys, the ones who have dumped on other women. You think that you will be different, that you will tame him and therefore be the exception to the rule. You won’t be!
You’re not in the game. If you’re shy, reserved, or aloof, you are not approachable. Guys ignore most hot women because the odds of rejection are too high. If you find a guy attractive, meet him halfway by signaling your interest with eye contact and a smile. If you know him, pay him some attention.
You’re a girl gone wild. Stop dancing on poles when you’re sloppy drunk. In fact, stop getting sloppy drunk. Drunk is ugly. No one, male or female, ever became more attractive when they got drunk (beer goggles just fool you into thinking they did). Nobody wants to date the girl who drunkenly made out with the lacrosse team last weekend, or has crotch shots posted on her Facebook page.
You’re a pushover. You put up with all kinds of crap. You allow yourself to be booty called and stood up. You allow him to tease you in a not-affectionate way (no calling you fat is not affection). You allow him to pick fights, and then forgive him for flirting or hooking up with another girl in the two hours you were broken up. If you do not respect yourself, he certainly isn’t going to respect you.
Your number is too high. OK, fine, you don’t want any guy who cares about how many people you’ve slept with. Problem is…. that’s most guys. You don’t have to tell anyone you’re your entire sex history, just be aware that this campus is small, everyone is friends with everyone and word gets out fast. I don’t think there has ever, ever been a guy who got laid and didn’t tell anyone about it afterwards. Sex is the #1 topic in the locker room. If your number is high and that fact is well known, you have a slim chance of finding a boyfriend okay with it. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife!

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