Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.
Dear DLC, My current boyfriend is a little too verbal in bed. He won’t shut his mouth during sex, and it drives me crazy. How do I stop him from being a chatterbox in the sack?
VL: Obviously, you’re not doing your job if your guy has enough free mental capacity to be stringing together coherent sentences during sex. Guys aren’t known for their multitasking or verbal eloquence, so the fact that he can’t keep his mouth shut is not a good sign. I’m not saying all sex communication is bad, often times it’s needed, but this is not the case. Don’t forthright tell him to shut his damn mouth while you’re doing the nasty, as that might bruise his fragile ego. Instead, make it impossible for him to talk. When he starts talking you up, simply engage his mouth otherwise, and put it to better use.
CT: He’s verbal, that’s great at least he is communicating his enthusiasm as long as he is positive what’s the problem? I agree with my colleague Vanilla Lighting; if his communication is too much, find him more things to do with his mouth. I mean, seriously, there are a lot of ways that you could find to a way to make his mouth useful.
Dear DLC, My friends really don’t like my new boyfriend. They’re entitled to their opinions, but I feel like they’re always trash talking about him. Even if its something small, like he doesn’t call me back one night, I have to listen to their complaining. I mean its not like they’re the ones dating him, right? I like him a lot, and I love my friends but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. How can I get them to keep their unwanted opinions to themselves?
CT: What did your boyfriend do to have your friends dislike him so much? That’s the real question. Your friends know you well so it might be a good idea to take a break from cloud nine and really listen to what they have to say, they may be able to read him from an outsider view and help you be more careful with your feelings. At the same time though let them know how you feel; tell them you really like him and that you don’t appreciate the constant put down.
VL: I’m guessing your friends don’t have a man of their own to occupy their time with? They would gladly throw themselves at any guy who would take them, but since no one will, they’ve decided to fixate on ruining your relationship. I’d say get better friends, because until some loser is desperate enough to give your girls a second glance they’ll keep dishing out the put-downs. If you absolutely have to stay friends with these girls, try being more forceful and less passive aggressive. Grow a spine, strap on a pair of balls and tell your friends to keep their opinions about your boyfriend to themselves or you might be looking for better friends.
Dear DLC, How can I bring up wanting to have a threesome with this new girl I’ve been sleeping with without her getting angry?
VL: You can go with the time-honored tradition of bringing it up as a joke, and then you can gage her reaction without seeming like a sex fiend. Unfortunately, there’s no sure-fire way to get your lady to agree. Either she’ll be into it, she won’t, or she is insecure enough to be manipulated or coaxed into it. If she’s type one, you’ve got a winner! If she’s type two, don’t sweat it, most women are, so just find another. If she’s type three, it’ll take a lot of work to get her to agree to it, but once you do, you’ll be a god amongst men. Good luck to you, sir!
CT: Are you her only sex buddy or does she have more? If you’re the only one, she is obviously into monogamy and a threesome ain’t gonna fly. If she has multiple sex buddies then coaxing her into a three way might not be as challenging. Bring it up after sex, let her know it’s something you want to try and see how she feels about it. It may be something she is totally down for. Just remember her idea of a threesome may involve you and the point guard of the basketball team, as where your fantasy may include her and the hot chick working in the bookstore. So just realize that if you somehow manage to convince her, you will have to comprise.