Adams State College’s Dirty Little Secret Column With the Dr. Love’s

Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.

DEAR DLC: I went out with my friends to The Purple Pig this weekend.  I’ll admit I had a few drinks, and I let loose on the dance floor.  I ended up hardcore grinding with one of my really attractive co-workers, but now I fear things will be awkward at work.  What should I do?

VL:  The answer is simple: use this as an opportunity.    Assuming you haven’t actually talked to him yet, because you only “fear” things will be awkward, you have no reason to believe it will be.   Try talking to this co-worker; he’s probably having the same concerns you are.  If you need to, you can always hide behind the excuse that the alcohol made you do it, which however lame of an excuse it is, is somehow still widely accepted as valid.  A better approach is to use this as a gateway for a love connection. Usually, I am not one to advocate mixing romance and the work place, but obviously, you think this co-worker is “really attractive” and who knows?  This week, it was drunken grinding at the bar, next week, love?  I realize it’s a bit unorthodox, but it will make for a good story when your kids ask you, “How did you and daddy meet?”

CT: Well I’m sure they weren’t complaining about your grinding cause they didn’t pull away or push you off. I agree with my colleague Vanilla Lightning, use this as your golden opportunity to talk to them more. You could end up falling in love with this very attractive person or you could end up meeting up in the closet of the break room, either way sounds like a good time to me.

DEAR DLC: I have a favorite local restaurant in town, that has become problematic to go to lately.  I briefly dated one of the waiters, I have a beef with one of the waitresses, and last weekend things got a little too hot with one of the cooks, who I haven’t spoken to since.  My friends still ALWAYS want to go there, and I do still like it, but how do I handle going there?  Should I even try?

CT: Ha it’s pretty funny that you’re in this situation, I can sympathize with you on this though its such a small valley that your bound to run into your ex or enemy everywhere, sucks that it’s all in the same place. My advice is to just go out there whenever you and your friends want, don’t let the employees hold you back from a good time and good food. They aren’t going to act up or say anything while on the job. The only thing you will have to deal with is a few stares and glares.

VL:  Could you fill us in on the name of this place?  Because the service here must be world class! *wink wink* *nudge nudge*.  I would start out first by expanding your pool of potential hook-ups.  If you like this place so much, and go there often, it’s not really the best idea to develop bad blood with the entire staff there.  Follow my logic? There is a whole wide world out there, and as a professor you can trust me when I say that it is virtually impossible for every single person on earth to work at this one restaurant in Alamosa, so do whatever it is that you do with one of the people who don’t.  Avoiding this place altogether seems really irrational and extreme.  If you stop going there, they win.  If I were you, I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat there, but don’t rule it out simply because you have a “beef” with three employees there.  What’s the worst that could happen?  It’s not like they are going to all three jump you in the parking lot on your way out right?  (Notice: The DLC, Professor Vanilla Lightening, The Paw Print, or Adams State College are not responsible for any bodily harm that becomes of you through the following of the above advice.)

DEAR DLC: Since school started all my buddies have been telling me how many girls they have been getting, they even track on their dorm doors with tallies.  I’ve been having a hard time keeping up, and I was wondering what I should do to step up my game?

VL:  Tallies on the door, huh?  I bet you all think you’re so clever, like no one could ever break your top secret code.  You should tell your buddies to consider a career in cryptology.  First of all, I would stake my professional reputation on the fact that most of your buddies’ tally marks exist only in the confines of their late night fantasies.  I’m sure you’re not the only one feeling that your “count” isn’t up to par.  However, I do understand your male pride is at stake.  Its times like this where I fear that the DLC’s anonymity is a bad thing.  I’d love to introduce you to some of the girls that write in and help you out, (You could consider looking for employment at a certain “local restaurant”) but the problem you’re dealing with has plagued the male race for years.  Men better than you have long wondered “How can I get laid?”  If you’re simply looking to up your count, I would visit some of the local bars, and keep your eyes peeled for the most nasty looking drunk girls you can find.  If, however, you’re looking for more than just a hook-up, I would suggest spending less time worrying about your tally count, and more time out there meeting some young ladies.

CT: I got you bro, I understand completely how you must be feeling. I think you should recruit one of your buddies to be your wingman. He can talk you up to fine ladies around the bar, and campus. He can also help by acting like a totally jerk and in comparison you will look a sweet charming guy. If all else fails grab a Cosmo it is full of tons of advice that chicks are crazy about. Lately, I have also discovered from personal experience, that girls are into douche bags who never call back and have no desire to form a functional relationship with them, so that might work for you too. I hope that everything works out for you and those tally marks increase. Stay golden pony boy! is powered by WordPress µ | Spam prevention powered by Akismet