Dear DLC: So, I asked my partner the other night what her biggest sexual fantasy was, and she told me. Now I’m slightly grossed out but I don’t know how to tell her.
DTL: Here’s a stupid question, why would you ask someone something that might gross you out? Or did it just not occur to you that you would be grossed out by her answer? If that’s the case then I really wonder if you know your partner AT ALL. How can you…you know what, nevermind. The way I see it you have two options. You can tell her it grossed you out and face the consequences or you can keep your mouth shut and hope to hell she never wants to actually do whatever it is she fantasizes about. For your sake I hope it’s option two.
DGL: You dug your own hole so lay in it. Seriously, why did you ask if you didn’t want to know? Oh, I get it: you expected her to say something like “me and another chick while you watch” or “I’ll pretend I’m a hot woman at a bar and you can pick me up.” Get real man. Her fantasies are different than yours. If you told her yours, she’d probably think they’re gross too – they are gross if you’re not into them. Get over yourself. Now she knows that you know her fantasy and guess what – she expects you to do something about it.
Dear DLC: I just started dating someone and I really like him. The problem is that he’s wanting to move much quicker than I am. I’m just not ready to jump into a relationship with someone right now. How do I tell him to slow down without hurting his feelings?
DTL: OK, first of all, if he’s that sensitive are you really sure you even want to date this person? I’m having flashbacks from the movie Bedazzled. Are you afraid he’s going to start crying like Brendan Fraser did during the beach scene? Seriously, what kind of guy wants to jump into a relationship? Oh wait! Do you mean he wants to jump into bed with you? That’s a whole different story! Tell him you’re not ready for sex. If he gets weird about it tell him to go insert his head in a certain part of his anatomy. If he is talking relationship-wise though it’s much better to be upfront from the beginning. No one wants to think things are going great and then realize they’re not, it’s not only embarrassing it’s humiliating. Suck it up, be a woman (or a man) and tell him how you feel.
DGL: “Slow down” is not really such a bad thing to hear. I mean, on the continuum of bad things to hear “cut it out jerk,” “I’m breaking up with you” or “you’re creepy, go away,” are all much worse things. “Slow down” presented in the right way only means “I like you but you’re going too fast” which I think is what you’re trying to say. So say it. Be straight with him.
**Dr. Goodlove and Professor Toughlove are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.
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