ASU’s Dirty Little Column with Doitright and the Don

Dr. Doitright and Don Juan are  not a real doctors or mental health professionals. The doctors’ advice should  not be taken seriously.

Dear DLC, Can your relationship work if your partner is in love with her best friend? My girlfriend tells me she is in love with the guy she grew up with, the guy she calls her “best buddy.” As far as I know, they’ve done everything together; they have the same tattoo printed on their right arm, the same car, the same kind of dog and even the same cell phone.Seriously dude, I thought this was just a fun thing they were doing together, but now I know it sure isn’t. I don’t know what to say now that she has admitted to this unpleasant thought that ran through my mind when I met this vicious creature a few years back. After eight years together, I thought we were ready to get married and live the American dream. I was wrong.

Dr. Doitright: I wish you had mentioned your age so that I can better relate to the matter but I surely understand your pain.
You must be very inexperienced to not have noticed that she was in love with him after being with her for 8 years. Young blood, you must not be so naïve. In your next relationship, please keep your eyes open and read your partner thoroughly. I say this because I don’t believe the relationship can work after this. The fact that she told you only means that she is ready to let you go. Keep your head up.

Don Juan: A type of relationship like that is special and is very hard to break when you are dealing with someone whose been the shoulder to cry on a lot longer then you have. You can’t help but feel helpless in this kind of situation if your girlfriend is telling you this now after 8 years.
What you can do though, is take control of your situation. If she thinks it was meant to be, then there obviously isn’t much left to stick around for Bud.
I’d suggest packing up and moving on, preferably to someone who doesn’t have feelings for anyone and if you are available to give your undivided attention to that person. Just remember that love has no bounds and by that I mean don’t expect to marry someone who doesn’t share that special kind of relationship with you. Take it as a learning lesson about how to apply yourself more and keep in mind that not everyone has the same American dream.