ASU’s Dirty Little Column with Doitright and the Don

Dr. Doitright and Don Juan are not real doctors or mental health professionals. The doctors’ advice should not be taken seriously.

I am in a relationship but I am not in love with my girlfriend. I fell deep in love with a man I had a sexual relationship with years ago. We recently reconnected, but he also has a girlfriend. We are both still “in the closet” with our feelings and we both prefer to keep it that way but we are falling head over heels for each other right now.
I am so in love with my lover that I have told my girlfriend that she has to move out.  When she asked why, I just told her I don’t love her anymore. But when I informed my lover of the good news, he told me his girlfriend is 4½ months pregnant with his twins. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. I thought he loved me.

Dr. Doitright:  You should know that happiness is a choice and in order for one to be happy one has to make the right choices.  Currently, you yearn to be happy so you chase your girlfriend out so you can be with your lover but your lover seems to be happy with his girlfriend. The best thing to do right now is to find out from

him how he feels about you. You may be feeling more for him than he does for you and that is not good. You need a balance in the relationship. There’s a certain moral principle that one should live by and if yoviolate these principles, you suffer the consequences. Don’t allow yourself to fall deeper, especially if he’s not into 

you that much. Find the truth in your relationship and move forward from there.Don Juan: If you are straight or gay, dating can be complicated. It seems that your “lover” has his plate full with his pregnant girlfriend.  You need to confront your “lover” and ask him if he loves you enough to sacrifice his relationship with his girlfriend. It sounds like your “lover” is not readyto come out which, will make having a productive relationship with him very difficult.  You have a difficult road ahead of you, especially in this homophobic society.  All I can say is be true to your feelings.
I am ashamed of myself and the situation I find myself in but I really need to talk to someone. As a married woman, you would think that your lifelong dreams have finally come true when you have a great career and a family that loves you. But when your dreams are battered with a stick, broom, shoe or even a fan belt (from a car) then you have to ask yourself, was this a part of my dream?
The problem is that my husband is a prominent employee of the university but his attitude at work is nothing of which he displays at home. When he is angry, he beats me. He choked me once until I lost consciousness, but no one knows about this. I don’t know what to do. He even slapped me across the face with the baby in my hand and accidentally hit him in his face; all because I didn’t cook the salmon. Please help.

 Dr. Doitright:  Dear Abused Wife, I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in but the next time he hits you, call the police. No man has any grounds for hitting a woman; however, if you love your husband then you should find professional help for him and counseling for you both. Do not continue to live in such a dangerous environment, especially with a young child. Open up to people who are close to you and those who can assist you. Please, again, seek help.

Don Juan:  Listen, this guy is a piece of garbage.  You need to stand up to him when he starts to abuse you physically! I suggest buying a nice knife or a Smith and Wesson 38 caliber snub nose.  Next time he raises his hand to you, take out that knife or your 38 and jam it into his crotch and calmly ask “want know what it’s like not to be able to pee straight?”  That should set him straight, and if not stab him or pull that trigger. But, if your not one for confrontation just get out of the house and call the cops on him.  Although, wife beaters deserve worse. 

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