Alison Bischoff
The Paw Print
It was obvious; a natural had not been seen in the crowded halls of Chaparral High. Blatant stares were cast as I swept down the hall, and jealous whispers were abundant between the dark rooted wanna-be’s. The shine coming from the top of my head blinded unfamiliar eyes and boys gaped, shocked that such a brilliant color could be produced from birth and not just out of a box.
It became clear that natural platinum blonde hair was not common in this rather large town in Colorado. Envy blasted through the dark haired girls’ exterior, only strengthening my appreciation for my bright golden locks. The dark hairs and the light hairs have been in battle since mankind can remember, and obviously tensions have not cooled. There are many theories of which hair color rules, but there is no doubt and much evidence to prove why the blondes are truly better than the brunettes in terms of personality, fashion, and looks.
There is never a moment a blonde walks into a room and doesn’t hear a “dumb blonde” joke. It has become so common; most blondes have made up their own dumb jokes, taking the edge off the dark hairs’ plan.
Light hairs have better personalities than dark hairs because the lights have been the butt of the joke for so long that they have finally become accustomed to it. We have learned to be the bigger person and laugh along with the crowd instead of becoming upset over the rather overdone jokes. Dark hairs always try to disprove the line ‘blondes have more fun’ by trying to make light hairs upset and unappreciative of our blondish good looks.
Dark hairs ultimately make themselves annoyed, seeing as the light hairs have already heard all the jokes they try to dish out, and sometimes blondes even up scale dark hairs with jokes we have made up ourselves. Of course, some blondes are truly dumb, but they are very few in number. Blondes always have more fun and have better personalities because our time is not spent trying to ruin the dark hairs’ good time; neither is it spent on coming up with new jokes. Blondes always find fun in something, and would rather make friends than spend our time being jealous. Who’s the dumb one now?
Now, I’m not one to judge women off of what clothes they wear, but there is no doubt blondes make every outfit look better. There is something about the glowing brightness only blonde hair can produce that makes all shirts, pants, shoes, makeup, hairstyles, hats and about every other article of clothing look better. The dark hairs add, well, darkness to everything, and don’t give as great a shine as the light hairs do. The natural pallets for blondes include pinks, oranges, reds, blues and bright greens. Brunettes drift to blacks, browns, greys, and earthy colors. Men are naturally attracted to bright colors; no wonder we light hairs get all the boys! Blondes always take bigger risks with clothing, because blonde hair comes with the high price of being noticed. We light hairs stand out more, making it necessary to have quality clothing. Dark hairs, on the other hand, can blend with the crowd more easily and not have to try so hard. Obviously, this makes them jealous of how much positive attention blondes get. Sorry ladies! Maybe a nice red shirt will fit you well. I hear they were all the rage in the 1940’s.
Everyone has seen those boxes of hair dye on aisle 12 of the supermarket, right?
There are countless colors, ranging from blue black to violent red to even neon pink. Ever noticed how the section of blonde hair dye is the largest? Hundreds of boxes promising a “natural golden tone” to the dark hairs’ dull brown strands. Hopes are high, until the dye is washed out and the damaged feeling starts to kick in as the bleach sinks deeper into the dark hairs’ unfortunate heads. Gradually, their dark roots begin to protrude, showing that the freakish white color of their hair is indeed, fake. Natural blondes never have to tamper with dye, because no Blondie would ever dream of ruining the flawless color. The light hairs seem to ooze natural beauty, while the dark hairs try so hard to become bright and vibrant. The look that a blonde has is one that cannot be easily copied, and that’s what makes us so special. To be a Blondie, women have to have that “look,” the simple and cute, yet graceful. The look of a natural blonde cannot simply be created; we have to be born with it.
There are so many beautiful dark hairs out there that can certainly rock their own look, but it is no surprise the blondes will always be one step ahead. With our contagious personality, our amazing sense of fashion, and our natural good looks, there is no doubt blondes will one day run the nation. So, for all you gawkers and nonbelievers, this color is all natural and I feel bad for the dark hairs that will never be able to feel the surge of power that comes with being a natural light hair. The battle will forever continue between the two breeds; may the best blonde win!
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