Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**
Dear DLC, I lucked out this semester and landed up with my own room in Girault. My R.A. informed me that I would be assigned a roommate at semester and I was wondering. How I am going to deal with living with a roommate and still be able to masturbate?
Should I approach my new roommate about it and agree on a policy of in-room masturbating or should I just avoid the topic and hope I can keep quiet while we’re in bed at night?
CT: Whether you are athlete, science nerd, or Tim Tebow that we’ve all heard so much about, masturbation is the silent bond that ties all males together. However, it’s not dubbed it the SILENT bond for nothing. While it is true that all men stroke the weasel, it is still often considered an unmentionable topic for open conversation especially with someone you’ve just met.
When the time comes to sharpen the spear, you might want to do it when you know your roommate isn’t around. Or maybe try the shower, a toilet stall, or even the library on a Friday night might provide more of a private setting with less risk of offending your roommate.
Dear DLC, My high school boyfriend and I went to different colleges but agreed to remain in a relationship. I’m super into him still but the problem is he hasn’t contacted me in three weeks! He constantly updates his Facebook, but never calls or texts. What do I do?
CT: So your boyfriend hasn’t called you in three weeks? Honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news (actually, that’s not true, I really enjoy it), but he’s NOT your boyfriend anymore (assuming he ever was). Unless he’s lying in a ditch somewhere, which I’m assuming isn’t true seeing as he’s still updating the world on his college life via Facebook, it’s a safe bet that he’s moved on and you should too.
Dear DLC, I’ve been a promiscuous girl. I’ve had my fun whether it’s sex with a stranger or a group orgy. I recently hooked up with a guy that I want to pursue a relationship with. I’ve hooked up with a few of his friends and he is very aware of my past.
How can I show him I’m girlfriend worthy, and not just some hook up?
CT: Lions, tigers, and bears don’t make good pets. Sluts, whores, and promiscuous girls don’t make good girlfriends.
If you’re banging anything with a pulse and a penis, why would he want you as his girlfriend? The issue here is he can just call you to get his rocks off, and he doesn’t have to worry about dating or *gulp* cuddling!
I mean seriously stop being so available, take into consideration the size of the Adams State Campus and how quickly talk can spread, remember no one wants to date the campus skank! Start fresh, find a new guy, and play a little harder to get.
**Disclaimer: Any comments made on the Paw Print’s web site are not anonymous. Due to this, any comments are being directed to DirtyLittleColumn@gmail.com.
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