Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**
Dear DLC, Ever since my girlfriend and I got together, she’s been packing on pounds. She never wants to do anything and just keeps gaining weight. It’s to the point where I don’t even want to be seen with her and I have no desire to have sex anymore. I know I’ll be labeled as a douche bag if I leave her because of this, but I don’t want my girlfriend to be mistaken for a whale. Help me please!
VL: Your girlfriend is under the classic “I’ve got a man and therefore can let myself go” misconception. You would be considered a douche bag for dumping her, but let’s face it, you’re probably already a grade-A one regardless. Try doing some couples workouts together. Suggest going to Zumba at the Rex or maybe just say you’re low on gas money and now the two of you need to walk everywhere together. You also need to stop being so hard on the poor girl, everyone gains the freshman fifteen, and you’re probably not in the best shape of your life either. If your girlfriend is still at a healthy weight, you need to stop being so shallow and love her for her. ALL of her.
CT: Dude, if she is packing on the pounds, you should be packing your bags, and leaving. I know everyone always says “inner beauty” or “true love” blah blah. The truth is you have the rest of your life to sit back and watch the girl you marry turn into a hippo, so while you’re in college you should be chasing the lean meat while its available.
Dear DLC, Me and this guy I’ve been seeing have one big problem in the sack. He has absolutely NO stamina. I’m the kind of girl that likes to go for hours, and he can last all of two minutes. I’m at a complete loss. At this rate, an orgasm is out of the question. What do I do?
CT: I’ve been hearing this problem come up a lot, especially from the football players’ hookup pals. So stop dating football guy, maybe you should hit up the cross country team. The only thing that’s gonna help your guy last longer, is practice. He’s probably new to the sex thing and hasn’t yet gained the experience you’re looking for, so it’s now your job to help get him there, or drop him.
VL: You might first look at some factors that would cause this lack of
longevity. Alcohol, smoking, general tiredness may play a big part. Try convincing him to cut these things out so he can better satisfy you. If he’s not lasting any longer, you might have to put in a little work yourself. I’m sure this guy would not be opposed to a little girl-on-top and this way he’ll exert less energy and be able to last longer. If none of the above makes any difference, you may just have to invest in a vibrator to get you there.
Dear DLC, So I’ve been dating my boo for last two months. We are still in the honeymoon phase and this girl is just dope. Here is the thing though, she is really into the No Shave November or, as I’d like to call it Nasty November. Like asked me to do it, and of course that’s not gonna fly. So anyways, she is doing it… Yeah, no shaving for a month. Is it time to time to quote my man J-Tim and say bye-bye-bye?
VL: Well, first you should probably ditch the 90’s lingo and stop listening to N*SYNC…That’s the most solid relationship advice I can give you. If her excessive body hair is really bugging you, tell her that you don’t find it attractive, or just tell her that while she’s celebrating No Shave November, you’ll refraining from touching her in any way. You could try embracing this phase of hers and go full on hippy for the month just to change things up. Think of how amazing that first shave will be on December 1. This could be a month of serious couples bonding where you bask in each other’s nastiness, or it could be the thing that drives you apart. Hey, they say love’s a gamble, right?
CT: I’m a fan of No Shave November and all its nasty. I love tossing away the razor and not having a hair care for an entire month, so yes I’m on her side. Just give it a try, like my colleague mentioned it could be a great couple bonding. Embrace it, live it, love it.
**Disclaimer: Any comments made on the Paw Print’s web site are not anonymous. Due to this, any comments are being directed to DirtyLittleColumn@gmail.com.
What’s Been Said…