Dr. Chocolate Thunder and Professor Vanilla Lightning are not real doctors or mental health professionals. Their advice should not be taken seriously.**
Dear DLC, I’ve been texting this guy for a while, he lives a while away. The problem is I have a boyfriend. Our texts get really X-rated. I’m not planning on actually visiting this guy, so is a little racy texting considered cheating?
CT: What do you feel when your sex texting this boy? Wanted? Desired?Exactly, and if your boyfriend isn’t making you feel that way its natural to go fulfill these emotions elsewhere but it’s wrong.Although you’re not physically cheating you’re emotionally cheating. You’re leading this guy on and going behind your boyfriend’s back, stop while you can. Otherwise your gonna land up a single tease.
VL: No harm, no foul, right? Dead wrong. How would you feel if you knew your boyfriend was sexting a girl on the side? Hurt, betrayed, resentful….even cheated? What you’re doing is wrong, and you very well know it. Scrape together whatever integrity you still have and cut ties with this guy and focus on your relationship. Plus, just because you don’t want to go track this guy down, doesn’t mean he won’t. And if you think he won’t, you’re seriously underestimating the lengths a guy with go to get some. So now you have a stalker on your hands that expecting you to put out. Way to go, slut.
Dear DLC, I am a 26 year old student, yet I can’t find love :***( every girl I meet doesn’t like Jersey Shore therefore is un-dateable. Also it seems the only girls interested in me are grenades. How can I find one that is DTF and can fist pump the night away with me at weekends? Gotta go hit up the gym, get my tan on, then do some laundry but thanks for the help! Love, The Alamosa Situation
VL: So you’re looking for a girl who is just as in to Jersey Shore as you? Well, it seems logical that you should model yourself after the guys on the show. GTLing is a good start, but I would take it up a notch. You should GTL to the point where you fellow students are questioning your sexuality. (That is, if they haven’t already, which I doubt.) From what I can tell, most guidos are crawling with some sort of STD, and are unemployed, idiots. So, I would say quit your job if you have one, drop out of school, and spend a night with a ‘questionable’ lady-friend. If you’re even vaguely Italian, we’re talking even one distant relative on your family tree, I would definitely try exploiting that and covering every item you poses in Italian flags. As you can see, finding your guidette dream girl takes some serious dedication. Or, you can finally wake up and see that most girls who like Jersey Shore aren’t worth a second glance. Let’s face it, NOBODY looks good with a coat of orange and a Snooki poof.
CT: Twenty six and still in school? What you trying to be Van Wilder? Last I checked there is no one on this campus as good looking as Ryan Reynolds so I doubt you’ll be rounding up any undergraduates by bragging how you’ve somehow managed to stay in school for so long. Also I find it extremely odd how obsessed you are with Jersey Shore. However since it’s so important that you find a Alamosa Jersey girl let me offer some advice: Get out of Alamosa, last I checked there isn’t exactly a ton of bars where you can find your self an fake baked slut with daddy issues. Good Luck!
Dear DLC, For my birthday, my friends got me an inflatable doll as a gag-gift. Its just been sitting in a drawer of my dorm…completely un-inflated and unused. Lately, I haven’t been getting any, and my question is, is it weird if I break my birthday present in?
CT: Your feeling a little lonely and after all it was a gift, might as well put it to use instead of letting it rot away in the closet. Have fun!
VL: I don’t completely understand your question. Is it weird for who? Your roommate? Your fellow students? Society? The answers to all of those questions is, of course, yes. It is extremely weird. Eww, gross, you really want to do that? Creep. However, the only person who needs to approve of you fully utilizing your present is you (and of course your RA when they find your doll during one of your random room checks). I mean, that IS what the doll was made for, and if you choose to use it, hey, that’s your business. To each there own. Just don’t re-gift it.
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